Theres more to death than losing someone you love so deeply.

Theres more to a death than losing someone you love so deeply.
There is what it does to you..

It starts with the grieving after you get over the shock of it all. The grieving is among the most vulnerable of phases. Some seek sympathy, some seek attention, some find new people to love. Some try to find comfort in other things.. God, devotion, music, habits develop, substances take over.
There has been some change. It makes you adapt to the change. To reinvent yourself.

Then it takes you over the philosophical thinking spree. It makes you think about the bigger picture of it all.. About why are we here really, whether we stay only till we have a task to accomplish, and are summoned back when its done. If its all about tasks, why must emotions be thrown in. Why must it hurt to let go. Wouldn’t it be easier to be some kind of a programmed entity like just characters of a matrix.. Theres someone I know who could pitch in a whole thesis at this point of my blog. I miss that someone. His smile makes me smile.

Another thing, worse still, is sometimes it just makes you shut yourself to any kind of sensitivity at all. You just close yourself, every emotional pathway between the world and you. You block off everything that makes you vulnerable, every ion of you that that could bleed of hurt, you shut it altogether. And step back into the world in an invisible suit of armor, shielding every inch of your mortal, not-entirely-human self, to become a mechanical, rational, logic & duty bound creature.
A creature I must term you, since you now have blocked the sense to ‘feel’ any ‘emotion’. Since you now refuse any ‘expression’ of ‘emotion’. Since you downright reject every hint of 'emotion'. Since you don't find it unusual or strange. It is your second skin, devoid emotion.

The worst target of it all is somehow still not you. It is someone who will love this creature assuming it is human. It is someone who will fear being bruised, yet scrape herself, each time with a renewed hope to break through the armour and touch the human within. It is someone who will try everything possible awaiting to evoke some response. It is someone who will unconsciously know that it is a wait to be disillusioned.
A wait to eventually transform into the creature herself.

Theres more to a death than losing someone you love so deeply.